Honest Housewife : Incredible Outlet

Dearest Friend,

Writing has been such an incredible outlet for me over the years.

At the age of twelve I began penning my thoughts, filling up journals, scribbling on napkins, seeing every sheet of blank paper as a canvas to tell a story upon.

When I was younger, I wrote primarily about my parents and their splitting up.

While pouring my heart out across the pages of each decoupaged notebook, a space of comfort and safety was discovered.

As the pen spoke, the paper listened.

June 4^th 1998

Age 13

“Sometimes I’m so scared I curl up in a ball and cry in the dark. I’m so scared about what my life will turn out to be. At night when I’m sad {Dad used to rub my back}, I lay in bed thinking of Gods warmth all around me, and Him looking over me.

So scared- No peace-

God please help me, AmberDawn, to learn more about You-

Help me to be strong with Your help-

Oh God, I need You!”

With no judgment, and no attempt to encourage or figure things out, my ‘diaries’ became the first place that I went to with the weights and struggles of each day.

It was here too, that I started to lean on the Lord.

Years passed by, and I began to trust people with the cares of my heart…

Journaling morphed far more into prayers and conversation with God. Too, there was a new appreciation for creation, for beauty and love… I began to give myself over to love, to trust in it. Before, fear crippled much of my desires, but the year 2003 changed all that {Australia was good to me}.

Quickly, journals were filled and carried within them poems and songs and descriptions of the magic that surrounded.

June 6^th 2003

Age18

“I am a child of God.

A loved child.

He wants to know me,

Hold me.

He will always take care of me.

He’s waiting at my side all day long.

And into the night,

He watches me sleep,

And He protects me.

Nothing could ever separate us.

Never will I go a moment

Unseen in His eyes.”

It’s so special to look back and see how God has walked with me through out each step of this journey.

July 7^th 2008

Age 23

“Lord, I praise You for what You’ve done with me. I would have never imagined my life to be here… I had never thought it would be so good. For years there seemed to be so much brokenness and pain, but now I am able to see all of the beauty and joy that’s come from it. Thank You for allowing me to see through Your eyes. Thank You for allowing me to feel with Your heart. Thank You for Your wisdom…

Lord I love You! I’m sorry for not praising You as often as I should.

You deserve all glory and honor! It’s crazy when I actually think about the fact that you are the same God as the God of Abraham… David… Paul… And You are with me!”

… That first journal entry was from 15 years ago! The second 10 years, and this last one 4 years ago.

These days I don’t spend as much time writing within notebooks and on college ruled paper… instead, I type my fingers away here at the computer. I do have a special little book that I fill with intimate prayers, but other than that, I share my day to day and thoughts about it, within the world of blogging.

The safety of keeping my thoughts to myself and to paper isn’t so important anymore.

I feel safe sharing with others. And it feels good to know that I’m not alone. There’s community here, and I don’t have to hide.

K, I’m off to get some snuggles from my babies!

Sincerely,

Amber Dawn

-image via amber

My Pretty Little World: Confessions From a Lover of Life

Hi Friends,

This post is from a friend of mine, Allie Marie Smith {author & founder of Wonderfully Made}.  I just adore her precious heart for Jesus and her zeal for life...I think you'll love her too!  Read on...

E.B. White expressed a predicament I’ve been experiencing so well: “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

I want to surf shoulder-high waves, add to my collection of Anthropologie pieces, decorate my house until its worthy of being featured on a top interior design blog, own a beachfront cottage and travel to far away lands. I love the feeling of my fingers wrapped around a warm vanilla latte, sweet kisses from my husband, the rush of getting a new pair of shoes, and the joy that comes from laughing so hard my stomach hurts.

I love life and all it has to offer, but I can’t ignore injustice or turn a blind eye to a broken and impoverished world. How do I reconcile my affinity for the pleasures of this world with my desire to make it better? How do I both enjoy it and improve it without feeling guilty while doing one and miserable doing the other?

Famous red letters said by Jesus tell us “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33).” I’m challenged to ask myself, “Am I really seeking first the kingdom of God? Or am I too preoccupied with building myself a pretty, perfect, little life?” My honest answer isn’t always pretty.

I’m realizing that in seeking God’s kingdom, “all these things” might not include the means to get my nails done whenever I want or own a beachfront cottage, but in “all these things” lies God’s promise to give me every thing I need…and even more. I’m learning how to balance between soaking in the goodness this life has to offer, and pouring out compassion and generosity upon the lives of others to make theirs better. And I’m realizing these two are not mutually exclusive.

To each of us, much has been given, which means much is required (Luke 12:48). The question is, whose kingdom are we seeking first?

-Allie

Be sure to stop by the Wonderfully Made Blog to read more from Allie and other inspiring girls.  

Honest Housewife : Burden of Perfection

Dearest Friend,

4 shirts, 3 tanktops, 2 bras, 1 skirt, 1 robe, 1cardigan, a pair of pants, a water bottle and a magazine all sit in a pile against the wall in my bathroom…

Let’s not even address the one next to my bed! {It’s about 3-4x’s the size}

“I’m such a slob”, plays through my mind. “Really Amber, is this the kind of woman that you want to be? Is this the kind of wife that you want to be?!”

Battling thoughts like this is a regular occurrence for me.

I’m the girl who wants to do it all! I’d like to be Superwoman and defeat the many tasks that are set before me {or rather that I place before myself!}.

This is what I think: {I have a feeling that writing all this out might reveal, even to myself, how silly I am}.

I should always meet the needs of both Emerson and Hunter, feeding, bathing {they should never go too long without being bathed} hugging each and investing in their every waking moment.

I should always be able to make my Husband lunch each day, and have dinner ready when he comes home. I should write him love letters too and send them off with him in the morning.

I should always have a clean house. Spotless kitchen, vacuumed and dusted living room, keep bathrooms clean {deep clean!}, my room should always be wonderfully put together, as well as the rest of our home. Nothing left out that doesn’t need to be out. Everything should have a place and be found within its place rather than sitting on surfaces they don’t belong.

I should always be ready for the day. Looking pretty, ladylike and classy, no matter what. Curled hair, painted nails, shaved legs, blushed cheeks and smelling heavenly.

I should always eat well, be fit and take care of my body.

I should always cook healthy meals.

I should make sure that my families finances our in order, taking care of where we spend our every dollar and budgeting out our future.

I should drink more water.

I should drink less coffee.

I should encourage my Husband a lot!

I should find a way to serve my community.

I should find time for myself, reading, writing, listening to music and dancing.

I should be more care free, go on adventures more often, be more like I was when I was younger.

I should…

My brain just pooped out. I’m not enjoying this! And thinking about all the things I place upon my shoulders creates a massive awareness of… of how much I want to be perfect. Oh it’s heavy and ugly and I can’t do it. I can’t bear the burden of perfection like this.

Aside from spilling my thoughts out to you, there isn’t much more to say right now…

As long as I can remember, my journals have been filled with to do lists and ways in which to improve and things that should be accomplished… Many of them were never done, and some are still things I’m working on after 10 years. I know that I strive to be more than I need to be, and every day I do my best to let go of unrealistic expectations, but at the same time, doing things that are important and balancing the two in a healthy way.

This will be a continual topic here within the letters that I write to you.

How I’m letting go of some ‘tasks’ and also how I’m accomplishing others.

It’s not that I think my goals are bad, I just have to let go of being able to do them all all the time.

Feeding the Hubs is one of my aims this week. I’ve written up a menu, purchased the necessary groceries, and I’m excited to have meals prepared for when he gets off work. {Crockpots are from heaven I’m sure of it!}

The other is my own health. I need to figure out how to eat during the days when I’m busy thinking about babies and ‘chores’. Also, I’ll be starting up some form of exercise routine now that my children have entered the world and are no longer adding a gazillion extra pounds to my mid section! This girl is ready to MOVE!

Thanks for letting me share my silly thoughts!

I am learning to take things in strides.

Sincerely,

Amber Dawn

-image via amber

Honest Housewife : The Fight of a Lifetime

Dearest Friend,

Yesterday, as I stood staring at myself in the mirror, I could clearly see the different marks of Motherhood that graced my face.

Mascara smeared across each cheek, small dark circles had found their place beneath my eyes, and my hair, normally curled with a good amount of volume was flat and sadly limp.

Oddly enough, this sight brought a great deal of joy to my heart.

I am in the trenches! In the thick of an all consuming mission, and these ‘battle wounds’ say that I’m fighting, working hard and rising to the challenge of a lifetime!

It’s incredibly overwhelming and has the potential to be defeating, or absolutely empowering.

The role of a Mother is not one to take lightly. We live, breath, eat and sleep around the world of our children.

We strive to raise a new generation; one better than the last, and there isn’t a set guidebook in doing so. We’re going off of intuition, off of the way we were raised, and soaking in wisdom from those who have gone before us, tweaking things just a bit here and there as we see fit.

These last couple months have put my character to the test. Do I have what it takes? Will I make the cut? Oh wait! I don’t have a choice… and that is for me, where I muster up strength and find the courage to face each day.

God has given this to me. He believes in me and trusts that I can handle it.

Luckily, He doesn’t leave me high and dry. Instead, He is ever present and it is to Him alone that I cling.

From the Lord flows love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I need every single one of these to fill me on a daily basis, for I know that the absence of them brings misery.

In raising children, as well as in my marriage, I must rely on God to show me how to do things appropriately.

Gosh, I want to be such a loving and selfless Mother. And I also want to be a compassionate and joyful Wife.

Those times in life, where what’s before us seams rather daunting and we struggle to find the endurance to carry on, we must go back to God. From the moment any task, mission or challenge presents itself to us, we have to start off with God as our primary source of strength.

Sadly, it’s not always our first thought to turn to Him. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll quickly find your stamina running dry when you attempt to walk forward without His presence…

Over time, I have found little ways to place myself in a situation of continual reliance upon the Lord, and that’s what I wanted to share with you today.

1.     Sing! All day, everyday. Sing songs of love and of undying devotion to the God who so magically created you.

2.     Pray! All day, everyday. Talk to Him. Out loud. In the car, while doing dishes, and within the quiet of your heart while sitting with friends.

3.     Praise! All day, everyday. While you pray, praise God for every single tiny little blessing!! For ‘every good and perfect gift is from above’.

I wasn’t made to live without Him, and neither were you… When I spend my time talking to Him, singing to Him and thanking Him for my life, the world begins to find a pleasant balance… All is as it should be.

My children will cry, and waves of frustration will sweep through my being at times… but it’s easy to push past the breakers and swim again in the calm of it all when God is stability.

Let Him be your Rock, and watch what happens. See how much farther you’ll go.

… Honestly, in writing to you, I’m beginning to see different areas of my own life that need to be surrendered to God. Primarily within my marriage as it’s been shocked into a world of new babies and new routine… The Hubs and I are not in a place of familiarity, and I could really use the Lords help in learning how to be the best Wife to him these days…

So that’s where I’m headed, to spend time drawing near to God and asking for His help. He has called me into this relationship, blessed me with the role of Wife, and is full of awesome wisdom as to how to thrive here.

I will return soon, and write to you once again.

Sincerely,

Amber Dawn

-image via amber

Honest Housewife : Dearest Friend

Dearest Friend,

My heart beats with excitement and I am thrilled to be in a place of sharing life with you. We are at the beginning of a very beautiful relationship. I just know it!  My prayer is that honesty would connect us here and that there would be no walls between you and I.

Just like you, I am a Daughter, Sister, Wife, Mother and Friend. Maybe we don’t share all of the same roles, but within at least one of these realms we do.

Here’s a brief resume of sorts… Just so you can have a better feel for who it is that you’re getting to know.

First and foremost, I am a passionate believer in Jesus Christ and have been as long as I can remember.

I am 27 years old, and live in the beautiful state of Oregon.

And while Oregon is currently my home, I have had the joy of living about a third of my life overseas. {in Europe, Africa & Australia}

The oldest of three, I have a younger sister and brother who are very dear to me.

Though I come from a broken home, it has been mended in its own way, and I am still close with both of my parents.

It has been two and a half years since My Love and I said, “I do”.

Hubby works as an attorney, while I stay at home working to take care of our family.

On March 31^st of this year I gave birth to two handsome baby boys.

Known for my big heart, I think it somehow managed to get even bigger now that they’re around!

Aside from Bible College, I have no big degree or piece of paper to prove some lofty education.

The small certifications under my belt are these…

I’ve had Ministry and Leadership training from Bible College.

Went through an intense Equipped To Care counseling course.

I am a certified Montessori pre-school teacher.

First Aid and CPR certified.

I’ve obtained my Food Handlers permit.

And I am a proud published poet {one little poem from the 8^th grade}.

I’m pretty much a big shot, right?!

Really, I’m just your average young woman, doing my best to live according to Gods design. I make mistakes and sometimes don’t even learn from them until much later.

I like pretty things and get distracted by the many day-dreams that flood my mind.

It’s 10:23pm right now, and both of my boys are sleeping soundly in their cribs while I’m out on the living room couch, writing to you and wondering when they’ll wake up to eat again.

… Being a woman is tough. What with all the shoes we fill on a daily basis, it’s no wonder we’re known to cry far more often then men do! Cleaning, cooking, managing finances, decorating, preparing, teaching, encouraging… the list goes on and on and on.

As much as our lives get busy and packed with a thousand and one different things, it is so very rewarding! Yes, I’m tired, and my body feels a bit run down {I haven’t slept a full night in 6 weeks-I haven’t even slept a full 4 hours in 6 weeks!}, but still, I am more than ever, glad to be alive, and because of my sacrifice for these boys, I get the privilege of knowing a new depth of love.

So again, I write to you with the hope that honesty would connect us.

You will read of my bad days, and my good. I’m not perfect, not in the slightest!

But I do my best to rise above grumbling and complaining and face life with gratitude in my heart.

God has given me life, and I want so very much to thrive in it!

Thanks for listening!

I pray that this letter finds you well.

Sincerely,

Amber Dawn

-image via amber

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