Monday, June 18, 2012

Honest Housewife : Incredible Outlet

Dearest Friend,

Writing has been such an incredible outlet for me over the years.
At the age of twelve I began penning my thoughts, filling up journals, scribbling on napkins, seeing every sheet of blank paper as a canvas to tell a story upon.
When I was younger, I wrote primarily about my parents and their splitting up.
While pouring my heart out across the pages of each decoupaged notebook, a space of comfort and safety was discovered.
As the pen spoke, the paper listened.

June 4th 1998
Age 13
“Sometimes I’m so scared I curl up in a ball and cry in the dark. I’m so scared about what my life will turn out to be. At night when I’m sad {Dad used to rub my back}, I lay in bed thinking of Gods warmth all around me, and Him looking over me.
So scared- No peace-
God please help me, AmberDawn, to learn more about You-
Help me to be strong with Your help-
Oh God, I need You!”

With no judgment, and no attempt to encourage or figure things out, my ‘diaries’ became the first place that I went to with the weights and struggles of each day.
It was here too, that I started to lean on the Lord.
Years passed by, and I began to trust people with the cares of my heart…
Journaling morphed far more into prayers and conversation with God. Too, there was a new appreciation for creation, for beauty and love… I began to give myself over to love, to trust in it. Before, fear crippled much of my desires, but the year 2003 changed all that {Australia was good to me}.
Quickly, journals were filled and carried within them poems and songs and descriptions of the magic that surrounded.

June 6th 2003
“I am a child of God.
A loved child.
He wants to know me,
Hold me.
He will always take care of me.
He’s waiting at my side all day long.
And into the night,
He watches me sleep,
And He protects me.
Nothing could ever separate us.
Never will I go a moment
Unseen in His eyes.”

It’s so special to look back and see how God has walked with me through out each step of this journey.

July 7th 2008
Age 23
“Lord, I praise You for what You’ve done with me. I would have never imagined my life to be here… I had never thought it would be so good. For years there seemed to be so much brokenness and pain, but now I am able to see all of the beauty and joy that’s come from it. Thank You for allowing me to see through Your eyes. Thank You for allowing me to feel with Your heart. Thank You for Your wisdom…
Lord I love You! I’m sorry for not praising You as often as I should.
You deserve all glory and honor! It’s crazy when I actually think about the fact that you are the same God as the God of Abraham… David… Paul… And You are with me!”

… That first journal entry was from 15 years ago! The second 10 years, and this last one 4 years ago.

These days I don’t spend as much time writing within notebooks and on college ruled paper… instead, I type my fingers away here at the computer. I do have a special little book that I fill with intimate prayers, but other than that, I share my day to day and thoughts about it, within the world of blogging.

The safety of keeping my thoughts to myself and to paper isn’t so important anymore.
I feel safe sharing with others. And it feels good to know that I’m not alone. There’s community here, and I don’t have to hide.

K, I’m off to get some snuggles from my babies!

Amber Dawn

-image via amber

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