Honest Housewife : Burden of Perfection

Dearest Friend,

4 shirts, 3 tanktops, 2 bras, 1 skirt, 1 robe, 1cardigan, a pair of pants, a water bottle and a magazine all sit in a pile against the wall in my bathroom…

Let’s not even address the one next to my bed! {It’s about 3-4x’s the size}

“I’m such a slob”, plays through my mind. “Really Amber, is this the kind of woman that you want to be? Is this the kind of wife that you want to be?!”

Battling thoughts like this is a regular occurrence for me.

I’m the girl who wants to do it all! I’d like to be Superwoman and defeat the many tasks that are set before me {or rather that I place before myself!}.

This is what I think: {I have a feeling that writing all this out might reveal, even to myself, how silly I am}.

I should always meet the needs of both Emerson and Hunter, feeding, bathing {they should never go too long without being bathed} hugging each and investing in their every waking moment.

I should always be able to make my Husband lunch each day, and have dinner ready when he comes home. I should write him love letters too and send them off with him in the morning.

I should always have a clean house. Spotless kitchen, vacuumed and dusted living room, keep bathrooms clean {deep clean!}, my room should always be wonderfully put together, as well as the rest of our home. Nothing left out that doesn’t need to be out. Everything should have a place and be found within its place rather than sitting on surfaces they don’t belong.

I should always be ready for the day. Looking pretty, ladylike and classy, no matter what. Curled hair, painted nails, shaved legs, blushed cheeks and smelling heavenly.

I should always eat well, be fit and take care of my body.

I should always cook healthy meals.

I should make sure that my families finances our in order, taking care of where we spend our every dollar and budgeting out our future.

I should drink more water.

I should drink less coffee.

I should encourage my Husband a lot!

I should find a way to serve my community.

I should find time for myself, reading, writing, listening to music and dancing.

I should be more care free, go on adventures more often, be more like I was when I was younger.

I should…

My brain just pooped out. I’m not enjoying this! And thinking about all the things I place upon my shoulders creates a massive awareness of… of how much I want to be perfect. Oh it’s heavy and ugly and I can’t do it. I can’t bear the burden of perfection like this.

Aside from spilling my thoughts out to you, there isn’t much more to say right now…

As long as I can remember, my journals have been filled with to do lists and ways in which to improve and things that should be accomplished… Many of them were never done, and some are still things I’m working on after 10 years. I know that I strive to be more than I need to be, and every day I do my best to let go of unrealistic expectations, but at the same time, doing things that are important and balancing the two in a healthy way.

This will be a continual topic here within the letters that I write to you.

How I’m letting go of some ‘tasks’ and also how I’m accomplishing others.

It’s not that I think my goals are bad, I just have to let go of being able to do them all all the time.

Feeding the Hubs is one of my aims this week. I’ve written up a menu, purchased the necessary groceries, and I’m excited to have meals prepared for when he gets off work. {Crockpots are from heaven I’m sure of it!}

The other is my own health. I need to figure out how to eat during the days when I’m busy thinking about babies and ‘chores’. Also, I’ll be starting up some form of exercise routine now that my children have entered the world and are no longer adding a gazillion extra pounds to my mid section! This girl is ready to MOVE!

Thanks for letting me share my silly thoughts!

I am learning to take things in strides.

Sincerely,

Amber Dawn

-image via amber