Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Life :: Learning To Rest

{Taken from yesterday's run.}

Cracking open the bedroom door and peeking out into the dim living room, I made my way to the kitchen.  Peace.  The sound of an occasional car passing and slight whimpers from my little Blakely {reminding me that he'd like to pay the lawn a visit} but aside from that, quiet filled the room.  A sweet quiet.  One I know not every season will allow in the morning, and for that, I am grateful.  Enveloped in the silence, I pop a piece of bread into the toaster, fill the kettle with fresh water and grab a banana.  Life is good.  I'm adjusting to this season of no agenda - this too, may not last long.  A few things on my schedule for the afternoon, but my morning is free and I am going to relish it.  Soaking up every last second, like grass after a spring shower, I make my way back to the bedroom and return to the warm, disheveled sheets I emerged from.

In my Florida days, I would have felt guilty for a morning like this, but not today.  No, today is different - I'm ok with pj's till noon {on a week day, mind you}.  After lots of wondering, dreaming, scheming, planning, praying, I'm ok with just existing.  Existing and allowing my heart to find rest after a long season of unrest.  The perfectionist in me disagrees with this, but all perfection aside, my God designed me to need rest.  I need rest.  I'm not talking about a good night's sleep, or a long Sunday afternoon nap kind of rest.  This is soul-deep rest.  Rest created and not just fallen into.  Rest that will allow a heart to just be.  

I cannot tell you how uneasy I am with this - just existing is terribly difficult.  But I'm bettering myself, my home, my marriage, my friendships, & my spirit with it.  I'm being restored & rejuvenated by it and I know I'll come out more beautiful and radiant once my resting season is complete.  To be totally honest with you, I'm not sure why I'm sharing this intimate moment with the world wide web, but something tells me I'm not the only one who troubles with finding {and making time for} true, undisturbed rest.  

I still have plenty on my to-do list for the house, running errands, dr's apt, preparing dinner for a guest this evening, etc.  But despite my ever growing list, I'm here, in this moment of quiet and I want my heart to get the most of it.  

I'm reminded of the story of Mary & Martha - I think of these two women often.  I've been called "Martha" a time or two in my life {referring to Martha Stewart}, while that is certainly a high compliment in many cases, I take on the role of Martha far too often.  For those not familiar with the Mary & Martha, I was first referring to - they are two women, sisters actually, found in a short story in the book of Luke {Luke 10:38-42}.  Their story may be brief, but it's one that speaks volumes to my heart on days like today.  

Martha {the homeowner} finds herself entertaining Jesus.  She does what any homemaker would, she busies herself in the kitchen and bustles about the house, making sure that every flower is in place, every roll buttered and every pillow fluffed.  She's the entertainer.  Her sister, Mary, takes a different approach to entertainment and decides to truly enjoy the company of their guest.  She sits at His feet, hanging on His every word.  Martha, exasperated and frustrated {as I would be if my sister were merely enjoying guests in my house}, makes a complaint to Jesus - "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?  Therefore tell her to help me."  I'm sure you could hear a pin drop at this point.  I imagine the tension she's created between herself and her sister is thick, and believe me - no one wants to interrupt a sister squabble.  This is His response, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. {Aren't we as women???  Thinking about too much at once.}  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."  {vs 41-42}  I can imagine Martha was a bit stunned by His words - they may have even stoked the fire burning within her, but I'm sure, as we women do, she considered them.  I'm sure she thought over this for days after, and I hope that she learned to rest.  

Friends.  Sisters, we need to rest, no matter how inconvenient it may be, our spirits need it.  We need that soul-deep rest, that refills and refreshes us so that we may be better wives, sisters, daughters, mommies {husbands, dads, guys - you need it too}.  It's ok to just exist, even if that time is short.  I encourage you to find that today, tomorrow and every day after.  Some of those moments may be longer than others, but relish them.  "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." {Matthew 11:28}

Lots of love....

- images via danya collyer

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